Open Letter to China

Dear Chinese Leadership,

I, Barack Obama sincerely appreciate your thoughtful comments, and  generous acts of friendship in this difficult time.  I believe that our relationship is on the fast track since the visit by my esteemed secretary of State.

I would hope that my delightful sec State (aka 4th in line) conveyed my deepest gratitude for our lasting friendship, and you have my word if somehow there was a misinterpretation of her comments during the last visit, or perhaps a misunderstanding, I will speak with her regarding this issue.  I am certain that she would mend her ways so that she can maintain her jet setting ways to win peace and prosperity through diplomacy and SMART power.

Now, I appreciate your concern about our economy, let me just say that we fully plan to get our financial house in order on the finance side.  My genius Sec Treasury (aka babyface) is on the job. His actions have fully drawn the confidence and support of our allies in Europe, and I believe that a close examination of his handling the issues will provide you the same sense of assurance that our European friends have achieved.

As for the issues in the South China sea, my plan is to have an equally thoughtful response to your tactfully choreographed actions.  I look forward to a continued exchange of frank view of this matter, with a firm understanding of our relative positions (see page 66) in the world.  I fully anticipate that my message of hope will reach you and we will continue in a spirit of friendship that will endure far beyond our lifetime.

Sincerely

Barack H Obama

Thank you Senator Judd

I want to personally thank Senator Judd for his public backstabbing of me today.  I mean I couldn’t have ask for anything more meaningful from the Republicans, this is so easy, it’s like taking candy for a bunch of retarded babies.

Now, people might wonder why I’m not up in arms about all this.  Well, it’s simple, I am demonstrating leadership.  Showing that I’m willing to reach out to my political opponents and giving them the chance to be a part of my administration.  Now, if they are stupid enough to take this golden opportunity to stab me in the back in full view of the American public.  Then I’m gracious enough to say, guys, there will be other chances for you to sign up, but the people will remember this, how you were all a bunch of petty politicians that instead of trying to work on the problem, you take opportunities to try to screw over a new president that’s trying to help the American people in their time of need.

Now, lest everyone think I’m just a naive fool walking through life with blinders on, just take a look at the image above.  While old Judd is talking, my eyes are sharply focused, it’s sending a message, it said, Judd, I’m giving you the opportunity to help me save the nation, don’t screw it up.  Obviously, Judd decided he couldn’t handle the job, but instead of talking to me about it like a honest man, he couldn’t resist trying to screw me while I was talking to concerned citizens.  Lincoln would be ashamed.

Republicans, from the wisdom of Bush, you are either with me, or you’re against me.  But if you guys want to become a permanent minority party, you keep doing what you’re doing, and come 2010, I’ll have a supermajority in Congress, and then all your partisan sniping are going to be just crap that’s fit for the tabloids.

So, as I started, Thank you, Judd Gregg, for deciding to be a dumbass and playing politics and trying to hurt me while I’m trying to help the country.

The Spanker

You know, when a new administration comes in the Secret Service has a field day providing new code names to everyone.  I mean take Hillary for example, she is called 4th in line, and Joe is Big Mouth, I suggested for myself a name of upset kid, but the Secret Service guys declined it, since they said its their job to provide code names.  I asked and made them give me one exception though.  I got them to give Rahm Emmanuel the code name, The Spanker.

Now you people might wonder what kind of a code name that is.  Well, baby face (AKA Tim Geitner) found out today.  After that pathetic performance he gave today with his plan.  I felt it was only fair.  I was so disappointed with Geitner, he asked me for a clear field on Friday so that he could have the undivided attention of the country to unveil a plan that was better than what Hank Paulson provided.  Boy, did he disappoint.  After his rambling press conference, he managed to tank the stock market.

I didn’t believe it when Bush told me to becareful about the economy and to make the major announcements myself.  Since he said only the chief executive could restore confidence, don’t trust the underlings like he did with Paulson.  I didn’t listen, and did I pay for it today.  Could baby face have come up with a more vague plan… I’m talking transparency and he couldn’t even provide simple details on what he has in mind.  It’s so bad, not only did he tank the Dow, he is taking down Asia too.

So that’s where Rahm came in, after the day got done, I pulled The Spanker and Babyface into the same room, and I told Tim that he earned every bit of what he is getting.  Then I had him strip down, and told Rahm to get to work with the paddles.  After about the twentith stroke, baby face was in tears swearing he’ll do better.  I told him he’d better given all the trouble I got put through with his tax evading ass, or next time, he is not gonna be able to sit for a week.  So, if you guys see Tim walking a little funny tomorrow, that’s a reminder to all of you.  I’m giving all of you bozos the room the run with the ball, but if you screw up, The Spanker will be waiting.