The Personal Journal of POTUS

March 5, 2009

The Face of the Opposition

Filed under: Politics,Republicans — fakepotus @ 5:45 am
Tags: , ,

A lot of people have said a lot of things about what I’ve done in the last two weeks.  But none has made more impression than the one I call the head of the Republican party, essentially, its heart and soul.  Rush Limbaugh is a formidable foe, his reach is broad.  Millions of listeners tune into him daily.  He was the rockstar at this weekend’s conservative convention, and everyone from New York Times to the CNN has all but crowned Rush as the face of the Republican party.

With millions and millions of conservatives rallying to his voice, he is the face of the Republican party.  To which I echo proudly in the voice of my predecessor, BRING IT ON.  Between David, the Spanker (Rahm) and myself, we had a sit down on political strategy the last couple of weeks, and this weekend just topped everything.  We love the idea that everyone is elevating Rush as the head of the Republicans, the new RNC chairman Michael Steele has got nothing on Rush.   In his own words, Rush hopes that “I fail.”

I don’t know how everyone would interpret that other than that they hope America fails.  I’m the leader of the country, if I fail, I will drag the country down, and the economy won’t recover.  So, by saying that he hopes I fail, Rush is effectively saying that he hope America fails.  How terrible.  Talk about trying to make political hay out of the misery of the country.

Sure, I have poor Gibbs out there looking harried and combative, but it’s part of the master plan of misdirection, confusion, and chaos that I’m sowing into the minds of the enemy.  I know what I want, I want to lead the country into success for the next eight years, and I will do it.  To do that, I’m going to choose my opposition, and confuse them while I pull of the save of the century.

So, Rush, my friend, I heart you, and look forward to the loyal opposition from you in the next three and a half years.

February 13, 2009

Thank you Senator Judd

Filed under: Person of the Week,Politics,Republicans,The Cabinet — fakepotus @ 7:08 am

I want to personally thank Senator Judd for his public backstabbing of me today.  I mean I couldn’t have ask for anything more meaningful from the Republicans, this is so easy, it’s like taking candy for a bunch of retarded babies.

Now, people might wonder why I’m not up in arms about all this.  Well, it’s simple, I am demonstrating leadership.  Showing that I’m willing to reach out to my political opponents and giving them the chance to be a part of my administration.  Now, if they are stupid enough to take this golden opportunity to stab me in the back in full view of the American public.  Then I’m gracious enough to say, guys, there will be other chances for you to sign up, but the people will remember this, how you were all a bunch of petty politicians that instead of trying to work on the problem, you take opportunities to try to screw over a new president that’s trying to help the American people in their time of need.

Now, lest everyone think I’m just a naive fool walking through life with blinders on, just take a look at the image above.  While old Judd is talking, my eyes are sharply focused, it’s sending a message, it said, Judd, I’m giving you the opportunity to help me save the nation, don’t screw it up.  Obviously, Judd decided he couldn’t handle the job, but instead of talking to me about it like a honest man, he couldn’t resist trying to screw me while I was talking to concerned citizens.  Lincoln would be ashamed.

Republicans, from the wisdom of Bush, you are either with me, or you’re against me.  But if you guys want to become a permanent minority party, you keep doing what you’re doing, and come 2010, I’ll have a supermajority in Congress, and then all your partisan sniping are going to be just crap that’s fit for the tabloids.

So, as I started, Thank you, Judd Gregg, for deciding to be a dumbass and playing politics and trying to hurt me while I’m trying to help the country.

February 2, 2009

Who won the last election?

Filed under: Economy,Politics,Republicans — fakepotus @ 3:18 am

So, you know I was looking at this past week as I’m cogitating this wonderful superbowl, and I had to ask Michelle exactly who won the last election.  I mean, we have control of the Congress right?  I am in the White House right?  So, what the heck is going on with this opposition from the Republicans?  I made nice with them too just a few days ago, I mean I sat in there nicely and listened to them.  Was very attentive, and I even made sure my party didn’t put in that $200 million for whatever it was that the Republicans were against.

This is just so dumb.  Not that it matters because the House still passed my bill.  Ok, now the senate better do the job.  I just have to turn one or two of the Elephants in the Senate, and the job will be done.  But for now, I’ll stay humble, and see if I can play one or two of those, may be a McCain or a Snow, or one of the other moderates.    Then I’ll have this thing done, and I can move onto my next deal.  Stupid Republicans, didn’t anyone tell them they lost the election?  Do they want to go from the minority party to the non-existent party? 

Now for those of you who are wondering why I did this.  It’s obvious isn’t it?  If there is a screw up, it’s Joe’s fault, just like if the Middle East falls apart, well, I have this superstar Hillary Clinton running it right?  So I can fire her ass if that happens, I gave her the ball and let her run with it, so succeed or else.  So, if either or both of them succeeds, See, it’s just like how Bush wanted to run his administration, like a CEO, except I don’t pretend to be like a CEO, I pretend like I’m the every man, but trust me, I’m not, I’m the best damn leader there is, I’m just humble about it.

November 6, 2008

Where do Republicans go from here?

I was ruminating about the results of the election with a couple of close friends yesterday, and we talked about what is needed in order for the party to get back on course.  The fact that I am not around of course will definitely help.  But then realistically speaking, the reason I was around was so that I could do the hard and unpopular things.  Think about Lyndon Johnson and Vietnam.  Now, Iraq was on the way back, until this economic crisis hit us, but that’s in the past now.

The onus is on Obama and company to try to bring the country back, but it’ll be a long road, and the belief is that Pelosi and Reid are going to try to screw him over by passing through things that aren’t necessarily to his benefit.  But the Republicans have enough to worry about on their own.  We thought about a multi-step plan to bring the party back.  The first thing is that at least up through mid year, the Republicans in the Congress has to go along with the Democrats, if we just came back and tried to beat up on them, it’ll make things worse, so we’ll have to suck it up for the moment.

Then the question is what is the party focus?  We ruled out all of the social stuff, definition of marriage, abortion, blah blah blah, I mean when people don’t have money, those things are the last bits on their minds.  Besides, those are becoming more fringe issues as we move forward.  There was a few points that we could rally around and get things back on track.

Energy independence, that’s something I’ve talked about forever, and none of the Congressional guys really worried about it until oil went above $100.  Then the Dems co-opted the issue with this green house gas crap that Gore keeps spewing.  Well, the simple thing is we should go for it, and transform ourselves that way, we take the Dem issue off the board, and we focus on making this our issue.  How do we do it?  Simple, follow the Pickens plan as much as possible.  Pump up the PTC (production tax credit) even more than we have, and focus on wind energy.  This is gonna bring jobs right into the plain states, and strengthen out traditional strongholds.  Then get the majors (Exxon, Chevron, etc) to start pumping money into alternatives, they’re gonna need it anyway because oil will go back up.  In the interim, since the majors have more drilling rights, let them drill, because if they don’t do it, eventually Congress will take away those drilling rights.  And if the Dems complain, we say, it’s a stopgap that has to be done on the way to renewable sources, then point to PTC.  I suppose we should also help with solar, but they should get along fine with all that VC money.  Protect the auto companies as much as possible from efficiency standards, the sad shape they’re in now, if they get pushed too hard and go out of business.  Well, we would be able to point to the even worse state Detroit is in and ask all those guys in Michigan if their vote actually helped them.  Overall, if Republicans can point to work on energy indepednece as an accomplishment by 2010, then it’ll help the voters, and all the consumers.

Taxes, this is our standard query.  It’s really easy actually.  Go against any tax cuts the Dems propose.  And play Obama’s message of 95% of you will get a tax cut against him at every chance when the Dems tries to increase taxes.  This is actually a bit dirty, because the Dems won’t have much choice but to increase taxes since they want to go with all those social programs.  That means corporations gets taxed more, and when that happens, usually layoffs come right afterwards.  Then we can point to this in the mid term elections as well.

Finally, immigration reform.  This is something that should’ve been done the last time, but the morons in Congress muffed it.  The plan John put forward that I endorsed was a good one.  They just have to try it again.  So, John should try to reintroduce the legislation, and at least get brownie points for working on it.  The Dems can’t afford to stall, or they’ll alienate the immigrant vote.  If it fails because they don’t have enough votes, then the immigrant vote might shift in 2010.

So, those were the few things we came up with to turn the party.  Granted, a lot of these are co-opted ideas, but we need to get away from the social issues that keep creeping in, and if the Dems want to push those agendas, the Congressional members should stay out of it, and let the local groups fight it,  because odds are, the American public won’t stand too much for it anyway given the state of the economy right now.  Look at Prop 8 in CA.

Remember, we’re down, but not out, it’ll take a little more than this setback to kill the party of Lincoln and Reagan. But what do I know, I’m just the lame duck that’s on his way out.  I wish the party good luck from here.

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