The Personal Journal of POTUS

May 17, 2009

Here is more rope… you know what to do

Filed under: Homeland Security,Leadership,Terrorism — fakepotus @ 6:04 pm

You always know who is the one stupid enough to step over the line.  They might grab power temporarily, but they always do something dumb.  In this case, third in line is out there talking about how my CIA is lying.

I always played nice with Nancy and Harry, I mean they are my colleagues, but she is absolutely nuts to accuse the CIA of lying, people might not on the surface say they support the CIA, but no one in their right mind would be so stupid to accuse the CIA when they’re actually protecting the country.  Let’s also face some other facts, the CIA is not in the business of telling everyone under the sun everything. And most Americans don’t mind, because it’s keeping the country safe, Nancy, you need to be a little more thoughtful on stuff like this.

But let me be clear, in this case, Leon told me that the company is strictly on the up and up, they briefed the Congress like they ought to, and they had no problem telling it to everyone on the then intelligence commity.

So, let’s put it this way, Nancy, you need to back the off now, just say you’re wrong, forget this idiotic truth commission thing.  I told you before, it’s time to leave the past behind.  But if you want the rope for your politcal gallow, here it is,  but my advice here is just to back off, ok?  Tell the CIA you’re sorry, and admit you’re wrong, and that’ll be the end of it.  It’s good advice, I should know, it’s coming from me.

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March 5, 2009

Nancy and I

Filed under: Democrats,Leadership,Politics,Satire — fakepotus @ 6:00 am

There is this entertaining poll out on Newsweek about Nancy.  It appears that the media and all the haters want to stir up trouble between me and my esteemed colleague, who is a fine and upstanding woman and a wonderful speaker of the House.  And also incidentally sandwiches between second (Biden) and fourth (Clinton) in the line of succession.  Now, being in that important position, I am constantly talking with Nancy so that she is informed of what’s going on in case her services are ever required.

Now I know that she and I have some genuine points that we disagree on.  Iraq for example, I think we need to make Iraq a success, and under my administration, we will.  Nancy thinks it’s time to cut the losses and move on.  We respectfully disagree, that’s always true of colleagues and allies, but the key here is respect.  Nancy respects my position as the leader of the country, and I respect her as the leader of the House.  So, all of this conservative chatter is just their way of trying to drive a non-existent wedge between us.

The good people of the country know better.  I have a job to do, and I’m going to be saving this country one step at a time.  Take a look at the progress of the last two weeks, a bank rescure plan, a budget, a strategy on Iraq, and that’s just for starters.  Wait till you see what I pull out of the hat next.  I’ve been doing something that has been sorely  lacking in the country for a while, something we call leadership.  Trust me, friends, you are all in good hands with me.

February 22, 2009

Thank you for the advice…

Filed under: Democrats,Leadership,Person of the Week,Politics — fakepotus @ 6:11 pm

Now, I invite you to shut the hell up.  Yes, Bill Clinton I’m talking about you.  Your little interview this week was just so low class.  You’re like that son of a bitch Jimmy Carter, who just keeps piping up when all he needs to do is shut up and sit down.  I mean I am so disappointed in you.  You don’t see either of the Bushes going out in public and telling me how to lead.  Now, granted, they aren’t very charismatic, but that’s not the point.  They aren’t out there telling people that I’m not giving people enough confidence.  So, from the bottom of my heart.  I thank you for your wonderful advice.  And I invite you to shut the hell up.  Either that, or Hillary will be coming back from China on United Airlines instead of the comfortable US government aircraft that she went out on.

Her performance so far has been up to snuff, but I swear if she screws up either the North Korean deal or the situation in China, I’m going to fire her  faster than you can say cat in a hat.  If you keep blabbing, I’ll tell the secret service to give Hillary regular reports on your activities, if you know what I mean.

Oh, this reminds me, since you offered last time to help with Palestinian/Israeli conflict, do you still want to go?  You can go and melt Benny Netanyahu’s cold and icy right wing heart.  In fact, I’ll fire George Mitchell right now, and send you over there… what, don’t want the job?  I didn’t think so.  Now, please excuse me, while I exercise something that is no longer part of your job description, LEADERSHIP.  By the way, I’m the man of hope, and all you are is just some ex-president, now shut up, and just run your stupid Clinton initiative.

February 16, 2009

First Victory

Filed under: Domestic Policy,Economy,Leadership,Politics — fakepotus @ 3:45 am

Ah, the first job is done, the stimulus has passed.  Well, ok, to be sure the passage of the stimulus in Congress was a foregone conclusion, and unfortunately, it didn’t do enough of what I wanted thanks to those idiot Republicans and a few turncoat Democrats.  But that’s ok, I have the first thing I wanted in order to get the economy back on its feet.

Now, for those people who thinks it’s just a new president flexing his muscle, I say you guys just don’t understand this simple concept called leadership.  People need hope, people need someone to tell them things are alright, and that there is someone on the job, taking care of things.  I’m that someone.  That’s why I was elected the president.

So, here is the first in what will be a string of stunning victory for me.  I know this because in spite of all the incompetent helpers, bumbling allies, and stubborn opposition, I will get this country going in the right direction.  I will do what is necessary to make America great again.  And that, my foolish Republican opponents is why I am the leader of this country.  So, the stimulus has passed, it’s not perfect, and I’m sure I’ll have to do some more work on it, but I know it will get done.

So, tomorrow, on my day, I will sign the stimulus.  Now, onto fixing the housing problem, and the banking crisis.

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