The Personal Journal of POTUS

January 24, 2009

Closing Gitmo…

Filed under: Foreign Policy,Homeland Security,Terrorism — fakepotus @ 6:34 am

I am a man of my word.  When I said I am going to close Gitmo, I meant it, when I said, no more torture, I meant it.  And I did it.  No more detention centers, no more secret prisons for the CIA, no more waterboarding.  Change is here, and I keep my word.  I said that I was going to make sure that we don’t compromise between our principles and keeping our people safe.  

Now, we know closing Gitmo isn’t going to happen overnight.  In spite of the fact that many of these people are real terrorists that deserve death, we cannot just throw them in prison, yet we can’t just convict them, because even though we have more than enough evidence and intelligence to know they’re guilty, some of the evidence were obtained illegally.  People like KSM are truly dangerous, and they can’t be let go.  I also can’t just have these guys released into the general population, because they are dangerous as heck.  I can’t just send them back to their home countries, but some of them don’t even have countries that want them.  So, we have to take our time to sort out what to do with these people and do it so it’s all open.

The thing of course that bothers me the most is that this is all Bush’s fault.  Why did he have to be so open, intelligence has always been a very closed business.  We don’t tell our people about our successes, we don’t tell people about our methods, and we sure as heck don’t open prisons in the open.  So, now, thanks to rendition, we’ve lost some of our capabilities.   Well, no more.  We are going to change things around here.  I promise you all, America will be safe, and we won’t torture.  

Consider this for example, we will continue our fight against Al Qaeda, except we won’t advertise any more.  These are just going to be suspected things, we will from now on neither confirm or deny.  Terrorists are going to die, they are going to talk, but they sure as hell are not going to be going to a nice comfortable prison, given prayer mats, fed nice meals.  I have better things to do with our money.

So, I had a short discussion with the operations guys in the company, I told them, you guys do what you have to, don’t get caught, because if you do, you have no cover, and you’ll go to prison.  Otherwise, don’t leave any evidence, and no bodies, and no frigging prisons, don’t waterboard because it costs too much money, bamboo shoots under the thumb nails.  If they still don’t talk, conveniently drop them off with the Egyptians, the Israelis, the Thais, and say, we need the info, and we don’t care what you do with the bodies.  But bottom line, don’t get caught, and don’t let America get attacked, cause if you do, no pension for you guys.

See, I know how to handle things, I have the audacity to hope, and sure enough, things will get better, and people will love us for it.

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