The Personal Journal of POTUS

January 8, 2009

Initiation Day

Filed under: Satire — fakepotus @ 6:32 am
Tags: , , , , ,

As you have all heard by now, today was the get together lunch I threw for Barack along with all the other former living presidents.  Now contrary to what the lovely Dana has told all of the press, 1981 was not the last time all the former living presidents gotten together.  In fact, it happens quite a bit more often than you might think.  The last time it happened was a few days before my inauguration.  Of course, it’s not ever publicized.  But during the lunch, we all went to the secret White House Dungeon… now I know most of you might be shocked to hear such a thing, but it’s true.  There is one of those, and the only people allowed in are presidents and ex-presidents.  Dungeon is also a bit old fashioned, they think one of the presidents in the early 1800s named it that because he had such a flair for the dramatic.  But it’s been around as long as the White House.  Just upgraded, these days, it’s more sophisticated, there is a few scanners that determines who gets to enter; and then only the sitting president has the keys.

Now, what do we do down there?  Two things.  First, there is the secret initiation, you might think this is some Skull and Bones thing, but not really, think of it more like the Water Buffalo Lodge initiation that the Flintstones enjoy in the town of Bedrock.  Now before all of you PC whiners out there cry racism, or some other silly thing, each president has to go through this, it’s a tradition.  Each time, the incoming president gets paddled by his predecessors.  When all is said and done, the initiation is complete, then you’re the official president.  Then you get to the second thing, where the incoming president gets the keys to the dungeon, and it’s not opened again until just before the next new president getting inaugurated.

The paddles are actually small wooden paddles just like the one they use in the Flintstones, and no, you don’t have to strip.  Each ex-president, and the sitting president gets ten strokes, and that’s it.  It’s up to the guy swinging the paddle to determine how hard or soft the blow is.  I remember when I got in office, Dad was kind, Bill kind of took it to me with a vengeance, Carter was Carter, not too hard, Ford was also pretty gentle.  This time was no different, Dad, I and Carter all took it pretty easy, but Bill went to it with a gusto.  I think he likes dishing out punishment a little too much, or may be this is payback for Hillary losing the primary.  Either way, he enjoyed it a little too much.  Then, when all was said and done, we all congratulated Barack, I gave him his only key that will ever truly belong to him alone to the White House, and we welcomed him to the fraternity of presidents.

And with that, it was pretty much my last formal duty as president.  Now, have to get finished packing and move on back to Crawford.


1 Comment »

  1. I’ve written something about keys and meals here too, co-incidentally:

    Comment by keeptonyblairforpm — January 21, 2009 @ 9:56 am | Reply

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