The Personal Journal of POTUS

January 6, 2009

Behold, My Mighty Hand

Filed under: Uncategorized — fakepotus @ 6:04 am

I got up this morning, and I hear from Karl this little nugget.  I immediately call up my old buddy Bill and have a conversation with him.  The transcript pretty much speaks for itself.

GWB:  Bill, what are you doing?  What’s with the staffing Obama’s administration with your people?  I mean I know all the media morons believe this crap about team of rivals, but all I see is Bill Clinton’s third term.

BC:  George, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

GWB: Come off it Bill, I know what’s going on, Hillary as secretary of state, your guy in Justice as AG, Leon heads up the company.  Then the kicker, Bill Richardson voluntarily removes himself from consideration.  Not to mention all of those people from your administration in the various economic post Obama has filled.

BC: How do you know, it’s not Obama making these decisions, as for poor Bill, his decision to not seek the post is because of this contract thing.  You know how it is.

GWB: Bill, you know, contrary to popular belief, I’m really not a dumb monkey.  Everybody knows there is all this special backslapping and under the table deals going on, but somehow, only Richardson gets slapped down.  Then of course, there is this Blagojevich thing… tell me, is Patrick Fitzgerald on your payroll or something?  I mean this whole thing in Illinois is just the kind of thing you’d pull to distract a poor guy like Obama and slide other things under the door on him.

BC: Okay, okay, that’s enough.  Yes, I am pulling the strings here.  Fuck, what did you think?  I was just gonna go quietly away after eight years?  Remember George, I was supposed to have had my third term through that dummy Al Gore back in 2001, but that moron was so stupid, he managed to lose his own home state.  Then I have no influence in the White House.  I don’t get to run things in the shadow during 9/11 and Iraq.  I’m important… ok?

GWB: Come on, Bill, we all had our turn, my dad didn’t try to influence me.  You should let Barack have his time in the sun, he’s the president, let him find his own way.

BC: Hell no, George, did you lose your balls or something?  Let me tell you, Hillary was my way back into the White House, but then along comes this audacity of hope bullshit, and here I am in July looking from the outside in.  But remember, just like you have Karl Rove, I have guys like Jimmy Carville, those old southern hands are the best at politics.  So, he comes up with this backdoor strategy that I’m executing.  But I tell you, I’m not one to forget stupidity or betrayal.  Think about it, how meaningful is Al Gore these days, he makes a fucking movie, and Hollywood and the lefties think its something.  Everybody with brains know that this green movement is because you were driving the price of oil up, and forcing a tough choice on people.  Only idiots like Friedman would think Al Gore is an intellectual giant ahead of his time.  As for that fat Judas in New Mexico, well, he stabbed me in the back by endorsing Obama, and now that shithole in New Mexico is the highest he’ll ever get.  I’m getting my third, and fucking fourth term, I’m Bill Clinton.

GWB: Geez, Bill, calm down, you’re gonna give yourself a heart attack the way you’re going.  I knew you were hard up to keep leading, but come on, you had your turn.

BC: What?  You mean you don’t think I was a great leader?

GWB: That’s not what I mean, you did a lot, but let somebody else have a chance.  Heck, you let me have my time.

BC: That’s because Dick, Karl, Rumsfeld and all your Texas pals were insulating you, so I couldn’t influence you all that much.  I deserve another two terms, FDR had four terms, did you know that?  I should have at least six.

GWB: Ok, that’s enough already, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do.  Just don’t screw things up with these games ok?  I think Obama is actually a pretty good guy.  But don’t fuck up the CIA too much, I tell you, this Panetta appointment scares me.  Morale at the company matters, okay?  Hayden’s done a great job, don’t screw with the agency.  Don’t let them become ineffective.

BC: Look George, don’t worry about it, I know the agency is your turf and your dad’s turf.  Panetta is my personal puppet, he’ll do what I tell him.  And, I still do put America first.  Anyway, enough about this, I don’t want to keep talking about it over the phone.  You never know who is listening.

GWB: Bill, don’t be so paranoid, this is the most secure phone in the solar system. So, you still coming to the initiation on Wednesday?

BC: Hell yeah, it’s my third term, of course I’m coming.  And this time I won’t even be on the receiving end…. ha ha.  See ya on Wednesday, George.

Well, that was my conversation with Bill.  Honestly, I’m worried about him, I wonder if this is too much abuse from Hillary or if Bill is really this devious all along.


1 Comment »

  1. Blagojevich has been so successful at making himself and his office look ridiculous that about a million people are now able to remember and maybe even spell his crazy name — that’s sort of like an accomplishment, right?

    Comment by coffee fiend — January 7, 2009 @ 9:08 am | Reply

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