The Personal Journal of POTUS

November 5, 2008

Words of Advice for Obama

Filed under: Economy,Foreign Relations,Politics — fakepotus @ 4:59 pm

Dear Barack,

Congratulations, you’ve won, you made history as America’s first Black president.  I’m sure Hillary is a bit pissed because she wasn’t the first female president, and then Bill would probably bristle at the title.  But that’s not the point.  You’ve won, and you’re set up to do great things.  Now, in the tradition of presidents before you, I’ve prepared two letters for the crisis you have to face; the first one tells you to blame me when things go out of control.  The second tells you to write two letters.  But I digress.

I do have some advice for you in general that would help in your 4 year term; I split them into three categories; foreign policy, domestic policy, and personnel.  But regardless of which branch, just remember to be pragmatic.

Foreign policy first: Iraq, we both know you can’t just pull out, so don’t let the liberal wing of your party bother you too much.  You’re in there to win, if you pulled out, it’ll make Clinton/Somalia look like a picnic.  Russia, keep in mind, Medvedev (or as I’d like to call him, tounge twister) is nothing more than a meat puppet for Putin, so when the time comes to negotiate, ignore him.  Remember, every president needs a boogeyman, so, Russia will serve nicely since the terrorist threat is largely neutralized.  China, remember Hu is your friend, so let him do what he wants for the most part, if you’re good, you can do something I haven’t had time to do, play him off against the Russkies.  Europe, yes, those bozos are a bunch of whiners no matter how you cut it, but just go over to Europe once in a while, lay out some BS about transatlantic relationships and how US need the EU, and you’ll have the losers eating out of the palm of your hand.  All they know is rhetoric, how else do you think these idiots keep stumbling into world wars?

Domestic policy next, this is actually pretty easy, I set you up for a win on energy independence already.  Thanks to my policies, the American people are now aware they don’t like high gas prices, coupled with the technology advancements, you actually have the motivation of the American public to push ahead.  So use that leverage and your Silicon Valley connections, and get us to energy independence, it’ll take probably 20 years, but you can make significant gains by backing people like Doerr and Boone.  The credit crisis, keep things cool and don’t do too much, let the Fed take the heat, since you know there isn’t much you can do about the economy in a larger sense, you’re going to have to spend money no matter what, so just do it.  Social Security and Medicare, I’d say try not to touch those issues, since there are so many different sides, you’ll end up losing no matter what.  Let the Congress take the lead, or better yet, take Karl’s advice, and make Hillary your health Czar.  Nothing like killing two birds with one stone. Finally, there is the border issue, with this one, I’d say you take my version of immigration reform and push that through, this one was set up for a win already, just ask McCain to help, and with a lock step majority in Congress, you should win this one easily.

Personnel issues, I’d say that’s the first, and probably the easiest task you have.  Pick people you like, I’d say use Powell either as Secstate, or Secdef if you want to be conventional.  But you could act a bit more like FDR, and set up a kitchen cabinet, and make him one of the leaders, he is respected by both sides, you can get him to pull conservatives and liberals in and probably get some decent ideas, and add in a couple of power brokers, Buffet, Rubin, Gates, heck, may be even Google’s Schmidt.  As for Bernake, his term is going to be up soon, my advice is to keep him there, he hasn’t responded as fast as one would like, but he is pretty creative if you push him against the wall.  Besides, that way, you’ll have a patsy if things really go down the tubes.  Oh, and before I forget, no matter what you do, keep the kitchen staff in the White House, believe me when I tell you, they are the best.  No one else can do Texas brisket, Sashimi, and Curry all in the same night, and all really well.

Anyway, that’s about all the advice that you need to succeed.  So, good luck pal, you’ve been set up with some easy wins, take it and run with it and have fun.



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