The Personal Journal of POTUS

September 26, 2008

An Amusing Afternoon…

You know, I was compared to Curious George a few years ago.  Now, for a long while, I thought it was unfair, but today, I finally realized that the comparison is not entirely inappropriate, like the monkey, I love to amuse myself.

Take the meeting I arranged with McCain, Obama, and the Congressional leadership today on the bailout.  I had put it up originally to make sure everybody got their say, and we all worked together.  But the reality of it was that by putting so many charged personality in the same room, I was hoping there’d be an explosion and I’d be entertained.  I wasn’t disappointed.

Now, in the ordinary course of events in Washington, there is a political doublespeak that requires some basic mastery of the political langugage.  For example, when one senator says to another: “that’s a very interesting proposal, I’ll definitely be taking a closer look at it shortly.”  The translation is: “that’s the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard, I’ll take a look at this when hell freezes over.”  Now, in Washington, if you’re here for a month or two, you can easily decode the language.

So, it was today, but let me tell you something, for the first time since I’ve been here, these guys actually dropped the double talk and were speaking frankly.  It actually started innocently enough, but well, I’ll provide a rough transcript, the names have been concealed to protect the innocent…. ha ha ha ha.

Pol 1: I think we have a general agreement in principle here, we should get the bill passed, and signed off.

Pol 2: Hold on a minute, we weren’t consulted on this.   We want to have some more say.

Pol 3: Well, the proposal was well circulated, isn’t it too late to be doing this?

Pol 2: No, it’s not, you guys never bothered talking to us, and this idea sucks.

Pol 1: You can’t say that, I want us to be civil.

Pol 3: Yeah, yeah, whatever, let’s just sign this piece of shit and get on with our lives.  You know I have some important things to do tomorrow night.

Pol 4: Like what?  Oh you mean you’re gonna jet over to New York and have your one on one with Ahmadinejad?  Try to get some practice in with diplomacy since you’ve never had any?

Pol 3: Screw you, stop bring up this old stuff, you old fart.

Pol 4: Yeah, I may be an old fart, but I’m still outmanuevering you all the time ain’t I, you little snot nosed punk.  Look at your running mate, the ever so stupid Joe Biden, you know Roosevelt did these things called fireside chats, on this thing called a radio, not on TV.  Look at my running mate, smart, energetic, kicking your ass all over the place.

Pol 3: Gawd, you still listen to the radio, get into the 21st century will ya?  I may be a snot nosed punk, but at least I’m not a so called war hero because I got my ass shot down by a flying telephone pole.

Pol 4: Boy, if they shot your ass out of the sky, you’d be screaming uncle five seconds after they laid their hands on you.  You’re too soft, all talk, no action.

Pol 3: And you’re an old fart who doesn’t have any original ideas, so stop stealing my change mantle.  What does an old geezer like you know about change anyway, except when it comes to daipers.

Pol 4: Ha, I knew this was gonna happen as soon as I saw you won the primary.  At least Clinton wouldn’t have yammered on and on about change and have no substance.

Pol 3: Listen grandpa, enough of this BS, and stop bringing up the old crone, she’s out of the picture, are you gonna debate me tomorrow or not?

Pol 4: On foreign policy?  You’re kidding me, boy, my adapted kid know more about foreign policy than you do.  Why don’t you go debate Palin instead, at least you might have a chance to beat her.

Pol 3: Screw you, old man, stop talking about the pig from up north, unless you plan on wearing lipstick too.

Pol 4: Well, sonny, I don’t like makeup like you do.  May be Baracko Spears won’t look so good without it.

And it went on from there for another hour

Now, I know none of what I said above made it to the media, because none of the aides would dare have put this out to the open.  But I swear, this is exactly what happened in the meeting.  Now I know none of this actually will help anybody, but the American people don’t need to worry, I already know something will come through in the next few days.  It’s just too bad they can’t see this type of thing, they’d laugh their asses off too.

Turst me, all will be well, in fact, I was in such a good mood after everyone had left that I had my favorites for dinner, Texas brisket, and sushi, with Key Lime pie for desert.  Life is good.


September 25, 2008

Man of Action

Filed under: Economy,Elections,Politics,Satire — fakepotus @ 6:31 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

You know, life can be unfair, and it’s often been said that I am a lone ranger, I don’t work well with others.  Well, now that’s just bull.  I work very well with others, and I have had a track record starting when I was governor of Texas.  In my eight years at the White House, I’ve had a track record that is second to none, name another Republican that can work with that drunk Kennedy to get a massive program like “No Child Left Behind” working.  Then there is North Korea, where my people set up the frame work to succeed in getting those commies aboard to tear down their nuke program.  Then there is Iran, look at what’s going on with the UN, everyone is for de-nuking Iran, you think a lone ranger can get something like this done?  Get those jackasses at the UN, all the people who traditionally hates us to agree on sanctions for Iran to try to stop their nukes?

The point I’m making here is that at the end of the day, Washington is still too much a political town.  So to get things done, I work together when it’s possible, I work alone when it’s necessary.  Take the latest example, Wall Street has a meltdown.  My personal preference was to let these poorly run companies fail, hey, it’s a capitalist society, we shouldn’t be running around bailing people out.  I mean for years, my administration proposed more regulations on companies like Fannie and Freddie, nobody gave a damn.  Now, all of a sudden the sky is falling, and all the Chicken lLttles from Congress are coming in, screaming, save us, save us, we don’t want to be voted out of office in two months.

Well, so Hank and Ben comes up with this idea to buy up all the bad mortgages, they say it’ll stabilize the economy, get credit flowing.  I personally don’t like it, cause it gives these irresponsible companies an excuse to bail out of the bad loans they should never have initiated.  Well, but let it be said that I’m always open minded, this would help to trickle something down to everyday Americans at the end of the day.   So I try to get it pushed through.

But then, here comes Pelosi and pals over the weekend, bitching about how they want their own agendas in along with the bailout.  Now, ok, here is the part about working together, I think the Congress just wants to save their own butts with the election coming up, but since the bailout does help everyone, I go along with it.  Now I could’ve been unilateral, and Congress wouldn’t have had a choice, do the bail out like I wanted, or you guys can lose your jobs in November.  But I’m a big picture guy, so what do I do?  I invite those bozos from the hill along with Barack and John and we are gonna talk things over.

It’s amazing how fast people agrees to stuff when they have their asses on the line.  Now, it’s a done deal.  See, I could have just sat back and let you guys all take the fall.   Hey, I’m the lame duck remember?  I could’ve stood by and let you morons go down in flames.  But like any real man,of action,  I’ll do what it takes to keep the country running.  But then I am tired of all this politics, eight years is enough, time to take my well earned break, go back to Crawford, and may be hang out with Bill every now and then.

September 18, 2008

Unfinished Business

Filed under: Foreign Relations,Politics — fakepotus @ 3:03 am
Tags: , , , ,

You know I’ve been accused often of not doing enough on the war on terror.  The Congressional Democrats are all going on and on about how I am wasting time on Iraq, and I should be focusing on Al Qeada, and their Taliban backers in the tribal region of Pakistan. Now all of a sudden, there is all this attention on what’s going on in Pakistan.  You can read the headlines by the liberal media, and you know all they care about is how to try to screw me over.  Of course, what else do I expect from the lapdogs of Grannie Pelosi and Granpa Reid.  Never mind the fact that we’ve been active in the tribal region for years trying to take out Osama and the rest of the Taliban.  Now when the elections are heating up, the media decides to shine a spot light.  The Democrats of course all clam up, because their candidate talked about doing the things I’ve been doing for years.

It pisses me off because that has caused poor Musharraf to step down.  Yes, that’s the real story, not some bogus crap about judges, it was all about soverignty.  As long as everybody kept things under wraps, Musharraf was fine, but the assholes in the media had to go and publicize all that we did.  The bitches are accusing me of trying to make a last play for Osama and Ayman.  Hello assholes, I’ve been trying to get them since 9/11.  Now you guys caused the loss of one of our most faithful allies.  You guys are so worthless, you’d do anything for a buck.

Barack, buddy, remember, when you take office, becareful what you do.  I know you’ve talked about going into Pakistan, the truth is we’ve been doing it for a while.  I hope this mess shows you how much the media would care if you actually did something useful.  Remember to be covert.  Those assholes in the media just care about the next headline and not about the country.

September 10, 2008

Taking it all in…

Ok, I was wrong about this Sarah Palin gal, apparently someone from nowhere can galvanize our party, even though they should already be galvanized given how screwed up the Democrats in Congress are.  But I have to say that old fox McCain still had some wits left about him.  Let’s face it, his campagin was a snoozer until he got her.  I have to admit all the Romney, Guilianis of the world wouldn’t have made a difference, but Palin did.  She’s probably as good a speaker as Obama.

According to Karl, the Obama campaign was thrown into a bit of tizzy because of Palin, and because of their own pick for VP, who was just another pol from DC, nobody even paid any attention to him.  Karl told me that he was heavily against Biden for a simple reason.  Obama/Biden, sounds a little too much like Osama Bin Laden, and it would give all the bloggers and the internet loons too much of an opportunity to make Obama out to be a radical Islam guy or some such thing, you can imagine the Swiftboat style messages that would be filtered around.  Karl was telling me that he had pushed for Richardson as Obama’s VP.  It would’ve locked up New Mexico, and hell, it would’ve locked up all the Hispanic votes too.  But apparently Obama was too worried about Richardson’s ties to the Clintons dispite  what Richardson did for him backing in the primaries.

Now comes Sarah Palin, and she’s such an unknown and gave such a good speech that the Obama campaign has apparently decided that she must be the Republican presidential candidate.  So, the campaign are getting their surrogates to do an all out attack on her, and while they’ve tried their best to paint her as a piece of Alaskan white trash who also happens to be a double talker, Obama has managed to forget about his own message in the process, and he’s managed to bring himself down to the level of an ordinary politician.

Karl was saying that if that’s what Obama wanted to do, he may as well reverse the ticket and have Biden be the president, and he can play second fiddle.  Obama’s message is about change and hope, it’s not the substance that matters, it’s the idea.  If he moves away from the hope and change platform and move into reality, he’s in trouble, and that’s exactly what’s happened.  He told me that Barack need to stick to his strong suit, if he starts up with change is phony theme, then his entire message since the primaries has just been tossed out the windows.

Now I admire Karl, he is a real genius when it comes to messaging and strategizing, but I think the one thing that he lacks is faith.  I certainly have faith that Obama can still win.  All he needs to do is stick to the change message,  the voting public will love the message of hope and change, and that’s how Obama will win this year.  But all the same, I have my eyes on young Palin, she might be a good candidate in 2012 if McCain doesn’t win this year.  But luckily I didn’t have to leave the comfort of the White House and the superb kitchen staff this time for the convention, just had to do the telepresence bit for less than 30 minutes.  I love technology.

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