The Personal Journal of POTUS

July 20, 2008

Small Revenge

You know, gridlock is the order of the day in large cities and Congress. I hate gridlock, but I find in my final year, I can have some fun even with things I don’t like. For example, yesterday, I was out in a fundraiser at Napa. Apparently, I pissed off a lot of people because of the grid lock I caused with my motorcade going to Napa… you have no idea how happy I am to hear that.

If there is one state in the union that is a headache, it’s frigging California. Now, the reason I can’t stand the state is because morons they put into office, these bozos keep talking up these non-issues that doesn’t help the country, and they support morons like Al Gore who whine about inconsequential things instead of focusing on truly important issues like energy independence, did I forget the morons don’t bother to do anything useful for their own state, they just keep asking for handouts, yesterday it was for wildfires.

Now, you might think I’m just talking about the Democrats. Like the loser Gavin Newsom — hello asshole, how about fixing the city’s budget instead of bringing up a pointless political issue like gay marriage that got your entire state tied up in knots — or those morons in Berkeley, who wanted to ban the marines from recruiting… why don’t you bozos figure out the homeless problem without begging for more money from the federal government every year. Then there are the so called Republicans, idiots like Arnold Schwarzenegger, or as I like to call him Ahhh-nold… moron, instead of wasting your time fighting the Democrats on pointless stuff like gay marriage, why don’t you balance your state budget instead, or do something about all this excess growth of trees and stuff so that you guys don’t have wild fires every year. What is this, five years running, Gray Davis didn’t even have that many wildfires. And every year, you hold out your stubby little hands and with your fake mannequin smile, you say: “Mista President, you have got to help Caliiiifornia, the wildfires, they are being caused by global warming, give us more money.” I don’t see Oregon and Washington whining every year, why don’t you do like them, and terminate all this excess undergrowth that are the cause of these problems.

Now, besides the politicians, there are the cities they run. Let’s see two shiny areas come to mind. First, the cesspools comprising of Marin, Berkeley, and Frisco called the bay area with those self indulgent venture capitalists. Hey assholes, so much money, why can’t you guys be more like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet and set up gigantic charitable foundations and help the world. I don’t see any charitable foundations on Sand Hill Road or along 280. No, you sickos just want to make more money, where is Michael Moore when you need him to do a documentary on the filthy rich scums in the bay area… oh I know, he was bankrolled by you guys.

Then there is LA, the smog ridden, gridlocked sinkhole where your beloved governor comes from. Talk about a bunch of self-absorbed, brainless twits. Bozos like Sean Penn, George Clooney, and Susan Sarandon rule the day. None of them realizing that if they just kept their mouths shut they won’t look quite so dumb. Hey Sean, considering how your trip to Iraq turned out, would you like to visit Iran too? All of this makes me wish I can carry out the Lex Luthor plan and turn Nevada and Arizona into beach front properties. But my advisors told me I can’t do that without having to declare the entire place a disaster area, even Karl had no good ideas about California.

So, all I can do is little things like pay back you morons with a little gridlock courtesy of my motorcade… although I suppose you are already used to it. Yes, I used a motorcade on purpose, you know why? Cause I knew it would piss you guys off. Of course, the 200 SUVs used by the secret service had a big carbon footprint, of course I could’ve saved you all the traffic troubles by using Marine One. But I don’t like any of you, so there.

You know what, y’all should be glad that I only used Napa, instead of landing in Moffet and then coming up 101 through San Francisco, and parading around Berkeley during rush hour. But the Secret Service was telling me that the road conditions there were too hazardous, too many unrepaired roads, and potholes and drunks on the street and might actually inconvenience me. But I’m happy to say, you’ll all soon be Obama’s problem, and I don’t have to be your president any more. So at least there is that consolation for me, I only hope you guys don’t get the big one before I leave office, it’ll spare me the effort of having to visit your state again and declare you guys a disaster zone yet again.

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