The Personal Journal of POTUS

June 20, 2008

The Smartest Guy I’ll Never Talk To

Used Car Salesman of the Year

Introducing: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — Used Car Salesman of the Year

Let me start by saying that I think Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a Jew hating, Gay bashing, Islamofacist nutjob. Now, that I’ve satisfied the base of my party with the usual rhetoric, let’s get to the meat of the matter. Mahmoud is without a doubt one of the smartest guy in the Middle East. I mean he’s got a country that’s just a frigging mess, one the one hand, there is a psycho mullah (Khamenei) who wants to turn Iran into a theocracy, a population of 70 million that are pretty pissed because their economy sucks, and the Revolutionary Guards who just want to go out with blow up everybody. Yet somehow, he is managing not only to hold on to power but getting lot support from China and Russia. Mahmoud, buddy, I may not like you, but you are one smart cookie.

But unfortunately for you, I’m just as smart, and I play dirty. I know you have to rally support by saying things like “Israel will be wiped off the map” and “US is the great Satan” and so forth. Now, we doesn’t really care much what you say or even if you get a nuke. Because we know you’d probably be smart enough to make sure that when you get a nuke, it isn’t used against us. But you got the schizophrenic Israelis around, and they think you are actually serious and might do something dumb like give the nuke to Hezbollah or Hamas or some other nutjob group out there. After all you’ve been going on and on about wiping them off the map, and the Israelis can’t take a joke since they’re surrounded by people who are constantly trying to kill them. So, that means you can start expecting cruise missiles and smart bombs before the end of the year. Since the Isarelis figure they’ll have my tacit approval, and has a small window to get your nuclear sites before I leave office, and not risk the ire of the next administration.

And poor you, you can’t back off, cause that’ll make the home crowd go nuts, and they might put you against the wall. So, you’d have to retaliate, since you can’t hurt Israel militarily, the only option you have left is to use oil as a weapon. You’re gonna get your fat buddy Chavez to cut off oil and you might impede the traffic through the straight of Hormuz to cut off oil flow. You know this will send oil prices through the roof, so you’re trying to delink oil prices from the dollar, but it ain’t gonna work. The Saudis are making too much money from this. Even though I told them no more oil, they can’t help themselves.

So, we’ll go through this charade, and oil goes through the roof. All of this just helps me make sure I can put America on the right track and get us off of our dependence on Middle East oil. Then, you know we won’t need you any more, and you would really have lost. See, I told you, as smart as you are, I’m even smarter.

So, Obama, buddy, as you see, I’m doing you a big favor when I keep us in Iraq. At least this way you can honestly claim that you don’t have the resources to do something truly stupid like invade Iran. I’m also setting you up, so you can reap the rewards when oil goes through the roof, this means you can start putting up the infrastructure that will lead to energy independence for America without those morons from Congress always bitching at you. You ought to be as thankful for me being president as I was thankful for Clinton’s two terms when I came into office.


1 Comment »

  1. How are YOU ANY better than this MAN, that… IS smart enough to be elected
    President,(kinda sounds like OUR “YALEE”.).
    Has, most likely, sold more cars than you’ve eaten CORN DOGS.
    Knows the English language better than WE do.
    Israelis VOTE in U.S. elections, (They ARE a “STATE”(!?!)…OF…)
    AND he got YOU to expel too much thought on some thing WE don’t CONTROL.
    GOOD synapse run though!

    D’Ellis/ Mohandas Lighque

    Comment by omegetymon — June 20, 2008 @ 1:51 am | Reply

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